All you need is love... we don't

Now, we're all familiar with the notion of love. As John Lennon famously told us, apparently it's all we need. While I may not go that far, love is indeed a wonderful thing. But this is not the Love List. Oh no. This is the Hate List. And do you know what I hate today? People declaring their love on Facebook.

"I have the best boyfriend in the world"... "Love you millions, babe"... "I'm so in love with you. You make me so happy". These statuses are enough to make you long to be single until your dying days, simply to avoid falling into this lame trap. But nothing is worse than one aspect of this. I am trembling with anger at the very thought. The blood coursing through my veins is red hot. I've not felt this angry since I last saw Danny Dyer's face on my television. What is it that causes so much hate you ask? Well, dear reader, I shall tell you:

Couples that have the same profile picture featuring themselves and their current squeeze.

You can picture the image now. Two young lovers, both beautifully tanned(!) gazing into the lens; arms draped over one another in a loving embrace. As you gaze into their eyes you can almost hear them say to one another: "D'you know what'd be amazing, babe? If you made this your profile pic and I made it mine. Then everyone would know how much we love one another."

I don't have the ability to put into words just how lame this is. It doesn't show how much you love one another. It's just another flagrant display of how stupid and uncreative you are. The sort of people that do this often flit between 'in a relationship', 'single' and 'it's complicated' on a weekly basis, more often than not with a new beau every time.

For the love of God, please just stop it. I hate it. I hate it so much I'm willing to cut out my own eyes so I don't have to see it. Please don't make me do it. I'm edging towards the kitchen to grab a knife. Please... please just stop...