How you remind me... of Aslan

Nickelback's Chad Kroeger

Do I really need to say why I hate Nickelback? Out of everyone I know, only one person likes this god-awful 'band' (I used that term loosely). They are everything that's wrong with rock music: predictable, bland, middle-of-the-road, cliched, pretentious and just so bad, it's ridiculous.

Let's take a quick look at their biggest hit, 'Rockstar'. I can't think of a song I despise more. Here's a few of the lyrics:

I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king-size tub
Big enough for ten plus me

Where to begin. I'm guessing (I couldn't be arsed to research) that the song is tongue-in-cheek. But I really couldn't care less. A few more choice lyrics:

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' 15 cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat

Fuck. My. Life. The fact I had to look these up, read them, then type them makes me feel dirty. Once this is posted, rest assured I'll be in the shower scrubbing myself clean with bleach and a Brillo pad.

Then there's Chad Kroeger, the guitarist/songwriter/singer. He looks like the lion from The Wizard Of Oz. Except much, much uglier. His stupid hair, stupid goatee and stupid face make me feel nauseous. Do a Google image search of his name. Go on, I'll wait. SEE! Gross. He looks like cat vomit mixed with teeth.

But on top of the bland music, on top of this shitty lyrics, and on top of the hideous front man, there's one thing that I hate most about Nickelback. What could it be you ask? Well, I am a fan of rock/metal/punk music. I play guitar. I've played in bands. Tell people who aren't into this genre these facts and you run the risk of being asked in the future something along the lines of: "I heard a Nickelback song the other day. You're into that kind of thing aren't you?"

Fuck my life.