It may just be me - I hope to God that it is - but I've begun to feel guilty about going into a shop, having a browse and leaving without a purchase. I hate the feeling of guilt. I hate the feeling of leaving a shop without a purchase. But I also hate needlessly spending money. What is a man to do?
There I was, going into Tesco earlier this evening. They didn't have what I was after. So I started to leave. And then the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. WOLLOP! "You can't leave without buying something," said one of the voices in my head. "For a start, if you don't go to the check-out, they'll probably think you've shoplifted. You've not shoplifted have you?" There I was checking my pockets, just in case I'd blacked out and shoved some kumquats into my jeans. Nope, nothing there.
I desperately tried to think of something - anything - I needed. But it was no good. I'd been shopping just a couple of days before and my cupboards were well-stocked apart from this one item (I'm going to let you all guess what it could be. The winner will receive a signed photo. Not of me. Just a photo. Probably not even my signature).
I made the grown-up decision just to leave. "I'M NOT A SLAVE TO THESE CORPORATE PIGS," I could've shouted had I any testicles. But I didn't. I made for the exit quietly but with haste. And then alarm went off. I stopped and looked suspicious. Only one thought went through my mind: "F*ck my life."
I don't know if it's the pessimist in me, my attraction to satire and humor, or that everything I've read on your blog thus far is so relatable, but whatever it is, I gotta say, I'm liking your blog.
ReplyDeleteI have a similar guilt affliction to yours. In my case I also feel guilty when someone either intentionally or unintentionally harms me in some way. I worry that my true reaction might make the assailant feel bad, so I usually go ahead and apologize to him or her for hurting me. It confusing everyone involved and then I kind of skulk away, hating myself. Then I feel guilty for hating myself…it’s ridiculous,
really.
Anyway, another laugh out loud read!
Cheers,
Lala :-)
Oooh, I do exactly the same! The word 'sorry' is easily the most used in my vocabulary. I could get hit by a car tomorrow and I'd apologise to the driver and feel guilty about getting in the way. I guess it's a good character trait... although people get annoyed at me for apologising too much. So then I say 'sorry' for that and the cycle begins again!
ReplyDelete